2nd Entry Into Room 101

Hello again to you my faithful reader. (What do you mean you've been reading other blogs?)

This next entry into Room 101 comes next Thursday and so is rather appropriate.

Valentine's Day

Now before you all start to say that it is "merely out of bitterness because I'm single and no one loves me" that I'm getting rid of the supposedly most romantic day of the year I'm going to say to you, "yeah, and your point is?"

Let's face it, is there a more pointless 'celebratory' day than this one? I think not. It's just an excuse for card shops and flower sellers to go up to people and say "Why don't you show the person that you're with how you feel by buying a hideously overpriced bunch of flowers or chocolates?" Or worse still, they're telling we single folk that it's the best time to tell the object of your affections that you fancy them. By buying them a hideously overpriced bunch of flowers or chocolates.

It's also the one time of the year that smug couples come out of the woodwork (probably wearing matching jumpers) and believe it's their right if not their solemn duty to say to all the singles that they know (and they use this exact line)..

Don't worry you'll meet someone eventually. He/she will turn up when you least expect it.

They then turn and give each other such a sickeningly lovey-dovey glance that makes everyone else within a hundred metre radius vomit uncontrollably for a good ten minutes, before swanning off in the opposite direction (no doubt holding hands) making said single person wish there was an axe handy.

I have a two word response to their statement. The second word is off. The first word isn't suitable for this blog as it's a family show.

I mean, come on, isn't that the most pointless, patronising and just down right annoying thing that can possibly be said. If you want to be helpful supply the following information as well:

The time, date and place of said meeting.
Her name.
Her age.
Where she comes from.
What she looks like.
What she will be wearing on the said occasion.
What her interests are.
What my first line of conversation should be.
What her response will be.
And the name of the restaurant where I should suggest we go for a first date.

See, you getting the point yet? Now that would be helpful. But they don't do that do they? Noooo that would mean that they were actually being useful.

So for making the entire world pink for a day, making single people everywhere feel that they are about as much use as a condom in a convent, and for just ripping people off then Valentine's day should be banished for ever into Room 101!

Do I hear a 'hell yeah brother!'?

Well, do I?